I’m surprised how often I suffer in quiet solitude instead of just simply asking for help. For weeks, we might suffer an ailment in silence instead of just going to the doctor. We might harbour huge anxiety about a situation instead of talking to someone about it. We can easily solve a problem by asking a particular friend for help, but we solve it half heartedly ourselves instead. There seems to some shame associated in clearly asking for help in modern society, and some valor associated in suffering through our problems by ourselves.

I feel like this is a side-effect of the transactional nature of modern society, which has trickled down into our relationships as well. We often feel that asking for help might be bothering someone, or might be a seen as a sign of our weakness. But then, every time I help someone else, I’m neither thinking of them as weak nor feeling much bothered. Consequently, I’m trying to improve my mental attitude so that it’s easier for me to ask for help.

For a start, I’m time-boxing problems before I deem them significant enough to seek help about. For me, the limit is one month. This doesn’t mean that I won’t seek out help for problems before this time – it’s that I will definitely seek help is an issue has been nagging me for over a month.

Next, I’m willing to communicate specifically how I require help and from whom. Oftentimes, we hint at something or try to speak in metaphors. However, if an issue is important enough to seek help for, and I know who can help me, I’m just going to go up to them and speak plainly regarding how they can help me. This also involves making sure I’m doing my homework so that the person helping me knows I’m not wasting their time without giving it a proper thought myself.

This is just one half of the equation though, the next part is conveying the gratitude for the help received. People often let their ego get the better of them, and rarely genuinely thank others for help. I’m going to take the time out once a month to go through everyone who might’ve helped me and let them know about it.

And finally, I’m going to be there for anyone that requires my help. Oftentimes, what is easy for me, is monumentally hard for someone else (and vice versa). We’re all fighting our own demons, we can always use more kindness in the world. Please feel free to reach out to me if you ever feel I can be of any help.